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THE MOST CRACKED-OUT STORY IN HISTORY

for your entertainment, amusement, and edification

Webmaster: Queldale Silvertip

sunset

The book is completed and ready, O gentle people, for your diversion and edification.

It may be found at haius.livejournal.com, so you should read it.

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July 10th, 2007

It's not the ocean.  I must've gone north instead of - well, whatever.  It's a big icy plain and I'm doomed.

The end.  No more me.  And no one will care.

There I go crying again...

March 12th, 2007

GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT Guess what I did!  I totally crossed over the mountains!  I can see the ocean!  Or else it's a big, flat, lifeless plain - I can't tell!  Because I've never actually seen the ocean, even though I'm kind of old in solar years, because I led such a sheltered life up until now!  But I don't care what it is because I can see it and it isn't mountain and IT ISN'T RAINING OMG!!

Whew.  Now that I've got that out of my system, I must say, these past few days, though miserable as always, have been terribly terribly exhilarating.  For instance, I got to forage for food.  How cool is that!  I ate mushrooms.  Mushrooms!  Me!  OMG!

And, and, get this, do you know what else I did?  I crossed a raging river!  And not even just one, but TWO!  Two raging rivers, crossed by me, on half-rotten fallen logs that could have, and almost did, collapse under my very slight weight.  I could have DIED.  But the thing is, I DIDN'T!  I'm alive, and I've escaped from Tarnitia, and there's not a sign of Haius and her evil folk ANYWHERE!  AND THE SUN IS SHINING!!!  I'm so happy I feel like singing!

The hills are alive!  With the sound of MUSIC!  With songs they have sung!  For a thousand YE-E-EARS!!!  La la la la la!  La la sound of mu-u-sic!  A-a-a-ah!  Na na na na na na na na!  Na na!

January 26th, 2007

I Die

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die evildoers
I am walking.  I have been walking all day long.  I am sick of walking.  My feet hurt.  My shoes are muddy.  I am thoroughly soaked because it has been raining all freaking day, and it's cold, and I'm cold, and I want my mom.

Oh, wait, she was a psychopathic homicidal arsonist who tried to kill me and then committed suicide.  Nevermind.

Anyhow, I slept with a squirrel last night.  No, no, it's not what you think!  I'm not a furry!  I didn't realise it was with me until I woke up, at which point I realised that I had this little furry rodent on my face, and then I screamed and threw it off and it hit a tree and then just lay there on the ground and I thought I'd killed it.  Then I got really scared and I felt just awful, so I went over and tried to pick it up to see if it was still alive and it bit me!!!!  So now I'm probably going to get rabies or something, which is just a horrible thought and does not make me happy.  I've been worrying about it all day.

Anyhow, now I'm going to catch hypothermia because I'm so cold and wet I can't stop shivering, even though I'm walking and that should be keeping me warm, right?  Also I think I'm catching pneumonia too, because I'm starting to have trouble catching my breath and I'm coughing a bunch and all, and basically everything just really sucks right now!

I'm going to go hide in a corner and cry now or something.

January 15th, 2007

Lost and Gone Forever

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mountains
I wonder if Mooneyes is going to be mad at me for continuing to use her livejournal profile?  As if she could get any angrier with me than she already is...  I wonder if she'll kill me quickly...  I hope so - I hope instantly - because I really don't like pain.  But I bet you guessed that.  Whoever you are.

*Surveys audience.  Audience consists of: a squirrel in a tree, who blinks and scurries away.  Sighs.*

Oh, who am I kidding?  No one's out there; no one cares.  I should just give myself up or something.

Goddess, I'm emo.

January 5th, 2007

Don't know where I am at the moment, but this is certainly not the first time I've been lost.  The first time I've ever been lost without any roads or rivers to follow, but not the first time I've been lost.  And of course this time I'm being pursued by hordes of murderous beasties, but, well, I don't know, maybe I've got some kind of hidden stores of courage... or something...

Who am I kidding?  I haven't got any hidden stores of courage!  I haven't got any stores of courage at all!  My store of courage is Louis Vuitton or something!  Assuming I even know what Louis Vuitton is!  Which I do - they sell purses!  Very cute purses!  Which I would buy if I wasn't a boy!  Which I occasionally wish I wasn't!  Like right now!

Oh, shoot, did I really just say that?  Oops.

I really don't actually want to be a girl.  I'm perfectly happy being a boy.  Really.  Honest.

But sometimes I'd prefer to be a more courageous sort of boy...

December 18th, 2006

HELP! SHE'S AFTER ME!!

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>gasp< >pant< >cough<  I escaped, right?  But see, Haius can read minds, right?  So she totally heard me because I didn't actually get that far, right?  Cuz actually I didn't escape, so to speak, I just kind of got into the hallway, and then I was hiding in a closet, right?  Cuz I was all crying, you know, cuz I was missing my family, right?  And then suddenly the door just bursts open, and there's Haius standing there in, like, a nightgown or something.  I totally screamed.  And she totally picked me up by the hair, which is long like a girl's, and dragged me down the hall wailing and kicking and pleading, right?  But then the door we were about to enter burst open itself, right, right in her face, and totally hit her right in the face, and she shrieked and dropped me and went to strangle whoever it was had opened the door, and then I sort of skittered away and ran off down the hall.  And outside.  And now I'm lost, and I can hear the shouts of people looking for me, and I'm so scared!  I'M SO SCARED!  AAAAH!  SCARED!  DID YOU GET THAT?!

Sorry, I'm just - I'm just - oh, crikey, they're right here

December 7th, 2006

Pure Escapism

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I did it! I escaped! Me! The guy who couldn't sleep with the lights off until he was thirteen because he was scared of the monster that lived in his closet - which is silly, because there was no monster in my closet, right? I mean, there was that one time when I was lying in bed and there was this creepy tap... tap... tap... and a growling sound from inside the closet, and then the door started to creek open - I was so terrified I almost wet the bed - I couldn't move, and then suddenly the door flew open with a BANG and this shadow leapt out at me with a roar - and then I screamed and screamed and then realised that the monster was laughing at me - laughing so hard that he couldn't stand, and I leaned over the foot of the bed and it turned out that the monster was my brother. And then my mother came racing up the stairs along with half the palace guards and when she saw what had happened she got so furious - not just at my brother, who you will all agree was the culprit in the matter, but at me! What did I do?! She told me I was a sissy and a stupid child and that there were no such as monsters and that I was grounded for a week. She grounded my brother too, of course, but he never did anything he was told and so much for that. Look, now I'm getting all weepy. He's dead, you know, and so is she. I miss them so much. And my sisters - I had three sisters, and a nephew, and they're all dead... >sob< Goddess, now I can't stop crying . I... I need some time alone now... >wail< >sob

November 23rd, 2006

Now that Haius has finished her novel, she's letting me take a break for a while. That is to say, she's otherwise occupied at the moment, and so I'm taking the opportunity to send, well, what may be interpreted as... a cry for help... maybe...

HELP!!!!!!

Look, I know I've explained the situation already, but, see, now that she no longer has a novel to write, she no longer has a reason to maintain her web-page, and therefore she no longer has a reason to keep me alive! Which means... I need to figure out how to make her need me again. That's what it means. Not - >gulp< - the other thing... death...

No. I won't even consider it. I will make her need me again. I will-

Oh cripes! Just heard the door slam - she's probabl

November 20th, 2006

I won, I won, I won I won I won
Neener neener neener
nah nah nah nyah nah nanowrimo

IWONIWONIWONIWONIWON

GO ME

November 6th, 2006

Oops.

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die evildoers
I'm sorry! I've been under a lot of stress lately! I haven't been getting a lot of sleep! It was purely accidental... I - I posted chapter fourteen before I posted chapter thirteen, and - and now - now they're out of order - and - and I'm sorry! Please don't kill me! Give me another chance! I promise it won't happen again! Haius! Please!

[admin reply] No soup for you.
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